


The Heart Remembers

by 8Verity8



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Arthur Pendragon Returns (Merlin), Established Arthur/Merlin, Gwen/Lancelot mentioned, Immortal Merlin (Merlin), M/M, Open Relationships, Past Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Polyamory, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:13:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21814234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8Verity8/pseuds/8Verity8
Summary: Arthur has returned, or more accurately, he has been reincarnated and it seems his Queen and his Knights have been reincarnated as well. When he first met Merlin he started to remember... both his past life and Camelot. With each new person they find, more of his memories return.It has been years since that first meeting with Merlin. Years since they realized he wasn't the only one who had come back, and years since they discovered that his memories only returned to him as the people did. In those intervening years he and Merlin have not only reestablished their friendship they've built it into something more. They have built a life together...But everything is about to change. Another one of his knights has returned... And now, Arthur remembers him, and more importantly what he meant to Merlin.
Relationships: Gwaine/Merlin (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 70
Collections: Merlin Holidays 2019





	The Heart Remembers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aeris444](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeris444/gifts).



> Happy Holidays Aeris444! I loved your prompts and took a couple and gave them my own (angsty) twist. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> See the end notes! I don't want to ruin the surprise too much!

Arthur looked out over the twinkling lights of the city below. Vague shapes reflected in the glass from the well lit room behind him, breaking up the picturesque view here and there, but he barely noticed. His focus not on the view before him but on his own swirling thoughts. Thoughts that continued to plague him, only growing more confusing as more of his memories returned. Memories from a lost time and another life, lived long ago.

“Arthur,” Merlin’s soft voice was tentative, questioning, as he came up beside him, the worry in his gaze obvious as his eyes searched Arthur’s. “What’s wrong?”

“What makes you think something’s wrong?” Arthur hedged, not sure he was ready to broach the subject of his thoughts with Merlin quite yet. An idea was forming and taking shape, but he was still wrestling with the details. Not the least of which was his own feelings concerning the plan and whether he had the courage to follow through once he put the idea out there. Memories continued to flood into him every day as one by one, each of his knights returned to his side. Gathering, as if pulled by some unseen force, to rally around their King once again.

“Arthur, I know you.” Merlin’s voice had taken on a sterner edge and Arthur was reminded that not everyone was  _ returning _ to his side. Merlin had never left it, living out countless lifetimes over the past millennia as he awaited Arthur’s return. With nothing more than a prophecy and a dragon’s promise to cling on to as he trudged through time. Arthur owed him more than he could ever repay, for the loyalty Merlin had shown him. Another thought that weighed heavily upon him as he contemplated the return of his latest knight, Gwaine, and the memories that had returned with him.

“I was thinking about Gwaine,” Arthur admitted, chancing a glance at Merlin when he stiffened at his side.

“Arthur—” Merlin began before growing silent again.

“My memories are returning, Merlin. All of them.” Arthur forced himself to put the words out there, knowing Merlin would understand what he meant, the memories he was referring to. With just a few words it was now impossible for them to continue ignoring Merlin’s past with Gwaine and whatever it might mean for them here and now.

“Arthur, I—” Merlin hesitated again, clearing his throat before turning away from the floor to ceiling windows to give Arthur his full attention. “I didn’t keep this from you on purpose, Arthur. You know that right? It was such a long time ago and—”

“I know,” Arthur turned to give him a sad smile. “I’m not mad at you Merlin. Not for having a relationship with Gwaine back in Camelot or for not telling me about it.”

“Really?” Skepticism tinged with the faintest hint of hope infused the question and Arthur couldn’t help but feel that he had completely failed Merlin, both as a friend and a lover. 

“Yes, really,” Arthur assured him, reaching out to enclose Merlin’s hand within his own. “I  _ love  _ you Merlin, and like I told you before, I think I always have. Not just since I was reborn into this world or since my memories returned… but back in Camelot too. Even then, I think, I loved you as more than a friend, but I couldn’t admit it, not even to myself. Not when I was completely powerless to do anything about it or to act on my feelings. My duty to my Kingdom and my vows to Gwen had to come first.”

“I understand Arthur. I always have,” Merlin interjected with a soft smile. “It’s one of the things I have always loved about you, your sense of duty and responsibility to your people.”

“I know you understand, Merlin, but that’s not what I’m trying to say.” Arthur dragged a hand through his hair in frustration, before turning away from the window and dragging Merlin towards the plush couch set in the middle of the apartment’s expansive living room. “Okay, we both know that I’m not the best when it comes to talking about feelings and, well, you know.” He gestured vaguely in the air, continuing on when Merlin gave him a smile and an encouraging nod. “So, just let me say what I’m trying to say without all the typical Merlin interruptions, okay?” Merlin’s eyes narrowed at that, his smile slipping into a scowl, but he remained thankfully silent.

Arthur smiled his thanks, trying to organize his chaotic thoughts into something more coherent as he began speaking. “As you know, you were the first person I remembered. I dreamt of you and sought you out and once we met again, I could suddenly remember everything about  _ you _ , but I couldn’t remember the others yet, not as I knew them back then. They were just vague whisps of thought until we met again in this life. 

First Leon, then Morgana, Gwen, Lancelot… with each encounter my memories of Camelot have grown more complete, but even now, there are still gaps in my memory.”

Arthur reached towards the carafe on the table and poured himself a glass of water, gulping it down before he continued, while Merlin remained quietly at his side, waiting. “I’ve been hesitant to talk to you about Gwaine because of those gaps, because I know that there is still more to the story. Pieces that I’m missing,  _ people  _ that I am missing.”

“We can wait—” Merlin cut himself off when Arthur gave him an exasperated look. “We’re already talking about it,  _ Merlin.  _ Waiting  _ now _ wouldn’t do any good at this point.”

With a roll of his eyes Arthur got back on track, “As I was saying, I’m missing pieces so I know there’s still more to the story, and I hate trying to form an opinion or make a decision when I don’t have all the information,  _ but…”  _ Arthur drew out the word as he narrowed his eyes at Merlin who had opened his mouth again. 

Chagrined, at Arthur’s stern look he settled back down with a slight frown. “... since I don’t know how long it will be before all the gaps have been filled its not really fair to anyone involved to wait. It could be years before everyone returns to us and the story is complete. I can’t in good conscious ignore what I’ve learned for that long or pretend that I don’t know what you and Gwaine meant to each other back in Camelot, what I think you still mean to each other now.”

Arthur squeezed Merlin’s hand reassuringly at the sharp gasp his words elicited, giving him a soft smile, full of love, when Merlin’s startled eyes reached his. “I know that you loved him Merlin and that he loved you too. I’m glad that he was there for you when I could not be.” 

Tears filled Merlin’s eyes as Arthur continued. “I know you feared Gwen’s return and what that would mean for us, even though we never really ended up speaking about it. I loved her back then, I really did. And she loved me. But what we had was a comfortable love, a love that grew out from our mutual love of Camelot. We both knew, even back then, that had Lancelot lived she would have made a very different choice and we were both okay with that. So when we met again in this new life and they were already together and happily married, there was no sadness on my part, no regret. Things turned out the way they should have this time around. Gwen with Lancelot and me with you… which brings me back to Gwaine.”

Merlin shuffled nervously next to him on the couch as Arthur took a deep breath, nervous about what he planned to say next. “You know I love you more than anything, Arthur, right? More than  _ anyone _ . I always have,  _ always _ . And I always will” The words spilled out of Merlin, earnest and pleading, as if he was desperate to convey the depths of his feelings before the ax could fall.

“I know,” Arthur rushed to calm him, pulling Merlin into his arms. “Of course I know, love. I love you too, more than anything and I’m never letting you go. Never.”

“Promise?” Merlin’s voice was shaky and Arthur felt a stab of guilt for making Merlin doubt his love for him, even for even a second. 

“Of course I promise, you clotpole.” Arthur threaded his hands into Merlin’s hair, tugging him back gently so he could capture his lips with his. He poured every ounce of his feelings into the kiss, trying to convey the all encompassing love--the sheer desperate need--he felt for the man in front of him as their bodies melded together. “Never doubt that,” he gasped, pulling away as they both panted for air. “Never doubt my love for you, my  _ need  _ for you. I don’t think I could let you go, even if you  _ were  _ to choose another over me. I would fight for you till my last breath.”

“Then what is all this about Gwaine, then?” Merlin asked incredulously. “It sounded almost like you...like, you were trying to, I don’t know, be all chivalrous or something. So I wouldn’t have to choose between the two of you. But there was never any choice to begin with Arthur, I can’t lose you! Yes, I loved Gwaine back in Camelot, but I also loved you back then too. And yes, Gwaine’s return has stirred up old memories, old feelings… but like you said, we are with who we are meant to be with now.”

“But, what if you didn’t have to choose?” Arthur spoke the words softly, letting them linger in the air. “What if you didn’t have to make a choice between the two of us at all?”

“What do you mean?” Confusion flitted across Merlin’s face and Arthur couldn’t help rolling his eyes, a weight lifting from his shoulders as a small huff of laughter escaped him.

“You’ve lived for over fifteen hundred years, you clotpole. Surely you can figure out what I’m trying to get at here.” Arthur lifted his eyebrows expectantly as Merlin continued searching his face, for what Arthur wasn’t sure.

“You mean—” The words were tentative and unsure, still suffused with Merlin’s confusion, no doubt, and the belief that he had come to the wrong conclusion.

“Yes Merlin, I  _ mean— _ ” Arthur gave him a very pointed look, encouraging him to take the thought to its natural conclusion.

“But how would that even work?” Merlin asked finally.

“That depends entirely on Gwaine,” Arthur shrugged. He had only the beginnings of an idea, after all. It was going to take all three of them to flush it out and see if they could make it work.

“You’re really willing to do this? For me?” Merlin didn’t look shocked exactly, more like he was in awe that Arthur would even consider the idea.

“And for Gwaine,” Arthur added softly. “He was one of my closest friends back in Camelot and it pains me to see him hurting. His emotions have been raw and immediate ever since his memories returned to him... It’s hard to explain how it feels at first. The memories. They don’t feel like they’re from a lifetime ago, they feel recent and the emotions they tend to stir up are intense and overwhelming. 

Your love for Gwaine lingers still, despite the many years that separate you from that time. But for Gwaine, it’s as if it all happened just yesterday. The memories from before don’t feel distant when they come to us, they overlay and intermingle with the memories of our lives now. Imagine how you’re feeling and then multiply that feeling by a thousand, that’s what Gwaine is going through.” Merlin made a pained sound, tears spilling over his cheeks. 

“I love you both,” Arthur continued, “In different ways, yes. But I want you both to be happy, and I think that this may be the answer.”

“But what about you? Would this make  _ you _ happy?” 

“That’s why we all need to sit down and talk about this. The three of us, together,” Arthur told him. “To make sure we can reach an arrangement that we _are_ all happy with. And I mean, this is all assuming that Gwaine is on board with the idea.”

“Please, he’s still Gwaine,” Merlin scoffed. “Trust me when I say he’s definitely going to be on board with the idea.”

“Excellent,” Arthur smiled. “You should message him then and see when he’s free to come over…”

“If you’re really sure,” Merlin looked towards him as he pulled his phone out, giving Arthur one last chance to back out.

“I’m sure,” Arthur assured him as Merlin shot a quick text off to Gwaine.

“Done.” Merlin put his phone back in his pocket before giving Arthur a curious look. 

“What?” Arthur prompted.

“It’s just, you seem pretty sure about this for someone who was still struggling with the idea just a bit ago,” Merlin shrugged.

“It’s the unknown variables,” Arthur explained. “Not just the three of us and how we are all going to respond to a change in our dynamic. But… you know how I said before that everyone seemed to be ending up with who they were meant to this time around?”

“Yeah,” Merlin confirmed.

“I mean, Gwen and Lancelot even met and got married  _ before  _ they remembered who they were,” Arthur added before he addressed his real concern. “I guess, with all the remaining gaps in my memories, the people I still can’t remember, I’m just worried that we could be messing up Gwaine’s happy ending, somehow.”

“Oh god, I hadn’t even thought about that,” Merlin gasped, eyes widening in panic.

“Well stop freaking out, because I  _ have _ ,” Arthur assured him.

“And?”

“And we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Arthur teased before his expression grew soft. “Look, we deal with it by talking to Gwaine about our concerns. Who knows, we might end up  _ being  _ his happily ever after but if we’re not, then we will love him and support him until that person comes into his life… and we’ll love and support him afterwards too, just maybe in a different way.”

“Okay,” Merlin nodded before giving Arthur a tentative smile. “Are we really going to do this?”

“Yes Merlin,” Arthur smiled back. “We’re really going to do this.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to expand on this idea so much but my muse wasn't having it at all! I think it's because I came into this using a particular writing style to highlight the internal turmoil/angst Arthur was feeling and that is not the way I would want to approach the continuation of this fic. Plus, I really ended up liking it where it left off, so I finally just decided, "Yup, that's what I'm doing."
> 
> So yeah, I left this open-ended and if/when I return to this idea I will write it as a separate fic and make this a series, so that I can come at it with a different stylistic approach. (Comment letting me know if this is something you all want to see. I definitely feel more inspired to write something when people let me know they are interested in reading it!)
> 
> I could expand so much on this world, tbh. I decided the penthouse was Arthur's, he and Gwaine were both born into wealth in this life. BUT, Merlin has more money than the two of them combined having lived for over 1500 years, traveling the world and collecting things, etc. Merlin is OLD money and I head canon for this fic that Arthur realizes Merlin is rich, but doesn't realize HOW RICH he is. Like, Gwaine is minor aristocracy, and Arthur is the son of a politician. And then Merlin is the guy behind the guy behind the curtain kind of rich. He's helped influence the course of history a time or two... 
> 
> I really want to explore more of this world, which means I probably will. So, who knows Aeris. This could be the gift that keeps on giving! LOL


End file.
